Perceptual Experience of Now~ 25th Dec 2013 at 5.57pm.

I'm a girl lived with a decent average family and that I have my necessities of life met each day.

It's fun to have friends whom we can share times of joy and times of sorrow.

I'm grateful to my father who has never once abdicate his roles as a father to 3 children and my mother who has perseverance in facing ups and downs in life.

It's a relief that I no longer have the scholarship due to my incapability to show my potential at the moment. Being able to study at a health college nearby is as much as opportunity as the time I had a scholarship.

Having to do housechores and dealing with maid has allowed me to have more understanding and increase control over the household.

As days goes by, there's never a day where I would be out of trouble and that's why I would like to applaud for myself for having to make this far.

Thanks to my family being a christian since I was born, I've been exposed to the wonders and miracles of God's creations and influenced by his everlasting love shown by parents, relatives, friends, and even animals.

Flowers blooming each day with crickets and grasshoppers hopping here and there indicate that there is life going about and that there's never an end to what God's creations can show us....

With advanced technology being invented to assist in the activities of our daily living, it has made the world progressing fast in evolution and that the well-being of humans been improving over the past decades.

Internet as being the most important invention of all allows us to be updated with latest development and assists us greatly in meeting our needy demands each day in terms of economics, health, social and well-being.

No one can live without God's guidance and what we do and perform each day in minutes and every seconds are God's plan for us. He's the one who knows us the most from within our hearts and never will he forsake us as long we continue to trust in him.

A lonely Christmas

This year happens to be the year when my uncle from England stay for a fortnight in Sibu with his family for Christmas. As such, there is only the five of us in the family that get to celebrate christmas together.....To be honest, I was feeling kind of nervous throughout the whole morning while I was doing my housechores and cooking winter melon soup for my brother.....

Knowing that I have to do the job, I persisted in my work but I wasn't able to enjoy like I used to....In fact, I was feeling kind of insecure and that the temptation of seeing my friends and hang out were still in my mind.....Darn it.....don't exactly know why I turn out to be like this....

Nevertheless, I finished by the time the clock struck half past three.....All that's left to do is to take a good refreshing bath as I do stink of pork from cleaning and clearing the fats of the pork for soup making.  Tonite, my mum, younger sister and I will be going out although, it would be so much fun if I hang out with friends to celebrate Christmas Eve.....Wouldn't that make a lot more differences than opening christmas gifts at home?

There is still around 8 more hours to go to open Christmas gifts and just another 2 hours left for my father to bring us out for dinner...Hehehe....at least this keeps company from asking for more.....Probably listening and playing christmas songs would be nice to keep me company for now....Tata....Will continue later at night if possible...

THE NEXT DAY....
Just to continue from last night......My mum, sister and I went out for dinner at Pizza Hut where we ordered a regular seafood pizza, garlic bread, mushroom soups and two glasses of Mountain dew...For our side dish, we ordered a plate of spaghetti carbonara in case we were not full. Though it isn't like an extravagant meal or party, at least we were enjoying our time together.

Back home, we had raspberry and tiramisu coffee cake with champagne. Then, we watched tv as the time to open presents were still a long way to go...We were late to open our presents as we were so attached to watching the korean show 'Cool Kidz On The Block'. It was heart-catching as we see them competing hard  to score in their basketball tournament. We opened our presents by the time show ended. And guess what, I had a white flowery skirt, a cool designed black sweater and a simple white pardini blouse. Though I must say, out of the three clothes that I have, I could only wear the skirt...... Boohoo.....

Still, it's ok because it's never too late to start exercising and get myself slim down. On the other hand, my uncle bought me materials for card making and a prayer book for self-empowerment. How cool is that.....Another thing is that my brother had been given a transformer cap and because he doesn't understand what's it for, he just tossed the cap aside and return back to his bed.

Soon, we all went to bed and indeed yesterday night was indeed a blessing to itself as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and may the fruit of the Holy Spirit be among us now and forever.

My Day Before Christmas Eve

Thank you for the time that I shared with Alyssa and her family on this very afternoon. My younger sister and I were invited to their lunch prepared by Alyssa's mum. It was as expected of her mum to cook scrumptious meal; duck meat, curry chicken, chinese meat rolls, chicken nuggets, mixed vegetables and above all the simple yet appetizing chicken rice..

After a handful of that, her mother prepared a desert of chocolate ice-cream for us to eat. Haha....Does it sound like a wonderful meal....Yeah, by the time I finished, I was full and indeed I'm thankful for her mum who is willing to spend her time cooking nice meal for us. I will of course never forget her kindness and I hope that I will be able to be the one to treat her an extravagant meal the next time I start working.

Also, I'm thankful for the time that i spent chatting with my primary school friend, Alyssa and as usual we spent time taking regarding life issues. Having her listening to my problems as well as sharing the stories about people life's struggles has actually woken me up from my slump to actually takes things seriously from now on...

Today, I have renewed my mind once again that it is never to look to change....No matter how much you have cause disappointment to your loved ones, waste a life time opportunity or even committing unforgivable mistakes or habits, as long you have the will and the holy spirit God granted to each and every one of us...then, I can assure you....you are safe.

You are who you are and be happy of who you are....because you're unique in your own way and no one can be exactly the same like you....like fraternal twins who look alike but actually there are still differences between them based what they perceive, their thoughts and their DNA.... Let me confess that I'm not the decent girl as you thought I am.....in fact, I can say that I have wasted 2 years of my life living in sufferings just because of the wrong thoughts I have formed within me. We are actually influenced by our thoughts which leads us to action....

So, pray to the Lord in grace that you may receive understanding and wisdom in life-decision making. There are times when we will be stranded away from our goals due to carelessness and ignorance....However, like I say.. you can stand up again based on your choice and that is the gift that each and every one of us have including you too....

That's all for now and may you sleep well tonite    :)

A wonderful Get Together

Today has been a blessing to itself. Though I was sluggish on my bed this morning and I felt my head was bombarded with all unnecessary thoughts, I found strength to get up and do my daily chores as usual on one simple reason...... CELEBRATING JJ's BIRTHDAY is my ultimate goal for today. Aside that, having to be closer to my best friend than ever is the best thing I can ever ask in my whole life.

And you know what, I manage to do some weeding this afternoon.... There were so many tall grasses that it needs a serious clean-up or else it would have grown taller and interrupt the beauty of a small garden. By the time I was nearly done, it was already 21 minutes pass one. So, there was only about 15 minutes to take my bath. After that, off I go to pick up my best friend and to City One to meet the birthday boy....

Getting to choose present was really enjoyable and worthful. Though I was quite distracted with my mind, I can still feel the excitement to choose the right gift with my best friend.
Then, came the good part where all of us meet up at the main entrance....It's been a while since we meet the last time, and with Christmas around the corner, it was great to have come together and have a nice lunch/dinner at a Japanese restaurant.

Chatting and keep each other entertained was what we do mostly oftime we eat the restaurant. Singing and celebrating JJ'S birthday was indeed fun as we got to tease him in return. Oya, later we headedtowards karaoke where we spend hours singing songs with all our might, heart and voice. Everyone sang well and some sang hilariously but overall, it was fulfilling. Somehow, I felt that we became even closer after we sang together.

So, I hope that we will have another exciting get together the next time we meet, and hopefully is duringthe time of Christmas, so we can celebrate christmas together and make the most out of it to be considered a worthfull event to recall. lastly, having to express my difficulties has allowed to me to feel more closer to my friends as I can share and feel even more closer to them. Well, everyone faces problem anyway.....

THANK YOU and may you have a pleasant day yourself. It's my wish that you would experience the joy as I had for today.    ><

A Great Achievement

I had a hard time waking up today as I wanted to sleep more on my comfortable bed with the cool breeze of the air conditioner touching my cheeks. Thankfully, I forced myself to get up as I know that if I don't, mum would be complaining at the kitchen wondering why kids don't get up on time to do house chores.

First, I ate my bread and had some refreshment on slices of pear peeled by mum. I mopped the floor after my meal and went out to do laundry before the rain started to fall down. After done with that, I proceeded to cleaning my younger sister's piano room as she has not cleared up the stack of documents pilling up in a basket for weeks. Although I was the one cleaning up the mess, in certain way my sis was upset of me disturbing her stuff. I can understand her feelings but at the very least, she should clear up the mess initially before someone else makes the move.

I was quite tired after I have dealt with the paper work but still, there was soup cooking left to do... So, I geared myself and went to chopped carrots and winter melon in the speed of light......(jz joking..but I was in a hurry actually). Unfortunately, I cut my finger due to my carelessness and from that, I received a second scolding from my mum. 

With me having to do so many house chores and finished them by 4.00 pm, I still have to get myself to bath and indeed I'm happy because I've accomplished so much things today. Cleaning, cooking, and dealing with laundries are hard work so I am very contented with my efforts. By the time I've taken my bath, I felt a lot happier and lighter as I am eager to chat with my best friend who just came back from vacation. There so many thoughts in my head that by the time I called her, I couldn't remember what I wanted to say.......Silly ME...But nevermine, I will try to list down my thoughts so that I can have a long chat with her the next time we meet.

Listening to my uncle's testimonial really lifted up my soul as I can feel the guidance of the Holy Spirit running through my veins. It was touching but BOY, I really felt sleepy after that. Knowing I have to iron clothes later, I decided to take a nap of half and hour. While my family were away to shopping mall, I stayed at home looking after my brother while I ironed my clothes....It took me roughly 1 and half hour to get the ironing completed as there were about 1 to 2 days supplies of clothes.

With that, ends another day of today and I hope that tomorrow will be another day where I can accomplish more things with joy and determination. Thank you Lord for the great day and I hope you will continue to guide us every now and then.

Stress!!!

Though I would only be having test 2 on healthcare tomorrow, but I feel like I'm not ready to sit for the test. In fact, I felt indifferent or disinterested in tomorrow' test. I've read four to five times but the information doesn't seem to stay put into the slots of my brain. I wonder if it is something to do with the pills I'm taking or is it because I am not serious enough towards my studies. If the problem was the latter, then I'll be frustrated because what the heck am I doing not taking my studies seriously?

Now, it's 11.18pm so I think I'll head off to bed real soon in 30 minutes time. Before that, I need to revise again so that the information input would be safe in my deposit box....I mean my brain.

p/s: Please pray for me so that I will do just fine for tomorrow....I'm not expecting high score but I wish to be content with my effort for the test.

Unforgettable Day

Yesterday, I went to Spring mall for the first time with my uncle and my younger sister ever since he has returned from England. There, we settled ourselves to have dinner at Kenny Rogers. Thanks to my uncle, we were able to taste the extravagant meal of Western food for the first time. My sister had her heavy meal of a quarter bbq chicken with 3 side dishes consisting of mash potato, aromatic rice and coleslaw. Whereas I myself ordered a light meal of chicken salad as I have taken my meal before hand. On the other hand, my uncle just ordered himself  a glass of strawberry yogurt to relieve his ulcer pain.

With the food being appetizing, we were excited to watch movie as well. I have always thought we would be watching 'Frozen' movie as it is suitable to watch. However, my assumption was wrong as the movie turned out to be The Hunger Games II of catching Fire. It was enjoyable yet somewhere in my heart, I felt disgusted with how humans are able to think and behave evilly in extreme as portrayed in the movie itself.

No popcorn and cola this time so me, my uncle and my younger sister just sat at our allocated seat, staring at the movie screen as it goes from one scene to another. It was 10.30pm by the time movie ended but sadly, we would have to wait for the third part of the movie next year.

The next trip would be window-shopping with my uncle at City one so I'm glad that everything is going smoothly for now and no conflicts so far as like what happened last year. Each of us have our own likes and dislikes, thoughts and perceptions of things around us. Therefore, it is necessary for us to compromise and understand one another to ensure a harmonious and dynamic family relationship.

Will there Ever Be Forever?

Hanging out with friends at shopping mall makes me realize how precious the time we spent together. As I am making my way to be more fond of my friends, I can feel that the friendship between me and her have developed. Is a pity that I couldn't be close enough to a friend who is in different direction path from me.

Is there any way to revert back to how we used to be?  Usually we will hang out, share love stories, play badminton and many more we can do together. Right now, is hard enough to be together knowing that we have different schedules from each other.

However, I just hope by the time we have the time left for just the two of us, let us enjoy each other presence to the fullest. The next time we go for karaoke or walking in the shopping district, I hope there I can talk to you lots more  than I have the other day. Getting to talk to each other regarding life issues makes me happier to be closer to you. There are so many friends out there in the world but nothing can be compared to the friendship I have for you. I may be poetic and love to sweet talk but that's how I feel at the moment.

In the afternoon, I went window shopping with a friend. While looking at christmas decorations, we can feel the spirit of X'mas around us. Many things were on sale so I'm interested at how low can the the price be for nice clothes after super duple discount. Hehehe.....But still, I think I just have to wait a little more for better clothes to choose from...

Once and For all...

For the past few days, I have found my life more lonesome and worthless as I couldn't control my inner desires, rebellious actions and destructive habits. What's more to say I feel extremely lost as I  have lost my scholarships, friends I could have talked with and the freedom I could have lived.

Knowing that friends and family can only provide support superficially as the whole judgement and life depends on my self-decision and choice, I really felt like not living another day...There has been times when I have suicidal thoughts but thanks to my desire to hang out with friends a little more or the responsibility of not letting my parents worry or despair, I restraint myself and gave myself another chance to move forward.

Yesterday as I was strolling in the shopping mall Boulevard, I feel the negativity and disinterested feelings in me. There were so many motivational and spiritual books around but none of them inspired me any longer. I was on the verge to losing hope when I realized that I have got to wake up. Looking around the 'POPULAR' bookstore, I caught a glimpse of a book regarding the power to reinvent yourself and break destructive patterns.

More than anything in the world, I desperately wish to freed myself from the sins and destructive life I living with. I can't handle anymore losses than I have already had. So, this book woken me up from the slump and resurrected and revived me again from my spiritual demise. However, it isn't simple as just believing in God and Jesus Christ and then have my problems being resolved. What needs to be done is that I am to overcome my temptation and sinful thoughts from invading into my life....SATAN has managed to penetrate into my life but I'M NOT GOING TO LET HIM DO THAT EVER AGAIN...

Sure is easy to say that when you're determined but it is so difficult in reality to withstand those destructive patterns. I tend to reason myself regarding my failures and accepted them as an excuse for my being. I can't keep this up any longer, or else my family's and friends' relations will be in jeopardy.

Therefore, this is what the spiritual book  has told me.....the 3 imperative keys to break these destructive habits are to begin with a constant transfer of leadership  to God, by dealing with temptation and lastly with being aware of what we say, feel and do.... What the book has taught me is that our human nature tend to push us to be the leaders of our lives. But with us leading and making our decision, it's inevitable that we will get ourselves fallen into worldly and ungodly things. With that, there will always be a tendency to do the things we want to do. Paul as in the bible admitted 'I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions , such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time'. What Paul said refers exactly the same to my situation. I wanted the good things in life but I couldn't afford to change my will to do them. It isn't enough just going to churches and reading gospel each day.  What needs to be done is that the constant transfer of leadership by means of letting God be the centre and leader of our life must continue each day until the day I die. 

Even the habit of blogging is difficult as I tend to lose interest and find blogging a hassle....but it is through the spirit of God  in me that I am willing to blog to help those suffering and be of useful motivators to those who are in the same condition as me. Therefore, as long as I seek his will and his leadership each day, I will be moving towards God's best for me.

In the aspect of dealing with temptation, it happens everyday regardless of my whereabouts....Any moment, I would be tempted to indulge myself to food, addiction to social networking  and the desire to slack off. So many of them are trying to tempt me that I would have given myself up to them. Nevertheless, I still have to resist it for it is the only to choice to my freedom. Resist the devil and he will flee from you..(JAMES 4;7). Then next time this similar situation arises, know that God will guide us through the storm and give us the power to overcome them.

To escape the cycle of the destructive patterns, we must also pay attention to what we think, feel and say. All of these are the very main reasons to our well-being. So, for me I need to be aware of my thoughts and be responsible of my behaviour as well as what I say because these are the reflections of what is in my heart. A times, when I feel terrified and anxious, I would cast them away to God for he is capable to turn them into something wonderful and useful to me.

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall" (Ps55:2)

Glory to God and forever he with us~