An Unbearable Me

I found out that we humans have sinful nature residing in us...making us doing the wrong things that will give us pleasure or gain. Why can't I do things out of love for my parents and God...I wonder. What has made me stone-hearted to improvement, good changes and even God's blessings. Each day, I stroll away aimlessly  thinking only of  evil things and defying God in a way that I do not believe in him. Eventhough, it feels like a small problem to me at first but slowly I'm getting a bit scared of myself as I am powerless towards twisted thinking, excessive worries, negativity and also temptation...I tried relying on God's strength but I couldn't even relax in his name. As I am drifting away from God, I feel my life is full of hopelessness and uncertainties. But, knowing all these why do I still being stubborn in my current situation..Yes, I can think of many good wonders that God has to offer and what I can do to make people happy, but my negative thought keeps telling me to do the things in the opposite way...Whenever I think of sth to make me feel better, I am worried that I will experience the same trauma in the future..For every good things that I would like to do, the evil side of me would want to avoid doing these stuff thinking that they are a hassle...What shall I do to overcome my selfishness, my stubbornness and my disobedience towards God and how can I stop hurting the people who have put their trust on me and love me the way I am now? Lord, please let me be near you and I want to dispose my evil desires once and for all to live a life pleasing to you....