For the past few days, I have found my life more lonesome and worthless as I couldn't control my inner desires, rebellious actions and destructive habits. What's more to say I feel extremely lost as I have lost my scholarships, friends I could have talked with and the freedom I could have lived.
Knowing that friends and family can only provide support superficially as the whole judgement and life depends on my self-decision and choice, I really felt like not living another day...There has been times when I have suicidal thoughts but thanks to my desire to hang out with friends a little more or the responsibility of not letting my parents worry or despair, I restraint myself and gave myself another chance to move forward.
Yesterday as I was strolling in the shopping mall Boulevard, I feel the negativity and disinterested feelings in me. There were so many motivational and spiritual books around but none of them inspired me any longer. I was on the verge to losing hope when I realized that I have got to wake up. Looking around the 'POPULAR' bookstore, I caught a glimpse of a book regarding the power to reinvent yourself and break destructive patterns.
More than anything in the world, I desperately wish to freed myself from the sins and destructive life I living with. I can't handle anymore losses than I have already had. So, this book woken me up from the slump and resurrected and revived me again from my spiritual demise. However, it isn't simple as just believing in God and Jesus Christ and then have my problems being resolved. What needs to be done is that I am to overcome my temptation and sinful thoughts from invading into my life....SATAN has managed to penetrate into my life but I'M NOT GOING TO LET HIM DO THAT EVER AGAIN...
Sure is easy to say that when you're determined but it is so difficult in reality to withstand those destructive patterns. I tend to reason myself regarding my failures and accepted them as an excuse for my being. I can't keep this up any longer, or else my family's and friends' relations will be in jeopardy.
Therefore, this is what the spiritual book has told me.....the 3 imperative keys to break these destructive habits are to begin with a constant transfer of leadership to God, by dealing with temptation and lastly with being aware of what we say, feel and do.... What the book has taught me is that our human nature tend to push us to be the leaders of our lives. But with us leading and making our decision, it's inevitable that we will get ourselves fallen into worldly and ungodly things. With that, there will always be a tendency to do the things we want to do. Paul as in the bible admitted 'I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions , such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time'. What Paul said refers exactly the same to my situation. I wanted the good things in life but I couldn't afford to change my will to do them. It isn't enough just going to churches and reading gospel each day. What needs to be done is that the constant transfer of leadership by means of letting God be the centre and leader of our life must continue each day until the day I die.
Even the habit of blogging is difficult as I tend to lose interest and find blogging a hassle....but it is through the spirit of God in me that I am willing to blog to help those suffering and be of useful motivators to those who are in the same condition as me. Therefore, as long as I seek his will and his leadership each day, I will be moving towards God's best for me.
In the aspect of dealing with temptation, it happens everyday regardless of my whereabouts....Any moment, I would be tempted to indulge myself to food, addiction to social networking and the desire to slack off. So many of them are trying to tempt me that I would have given myself up to them. Nevertheless, I still have to resist it for it is the only to choice to my freedom. Resist the devil and he will flee from you..(JAMES 4;7). Then next time this similar situation arises, know that God will guide us through the storm and give us the power to overcome them.
To escape the cycle of the destructive patterns, we must also pay attention to what we think, feel and say. All of these are the very main reasons to our well-being. So, for me I need to be aware of my thoughts and be responsible of my behaviour as well as what I say because these are the reflections of what is in my heart. A times, when I feel terrified and anxious, I would cast them away to God for he is capable to turn them into something wonderful and useful to me.
"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall" (Ps55:2)
Glory to God and forever he with us~
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