Secret Revealed

No wonder I couldn't recover and no wonder my illness gotten worse. I was the victim of my fear and doubts but what makes it worse is that I give in to myself willingly. I wish to be a friend of good influence and yet I have trouble handling myself. What's making me angrier and more shameful than ever now is that I have hurt their feelings and disappointed  my beloved ones due to my thoughtlessness and negligence toward reality.

Couple of months ago, I rested myself at home but I never did attempt to improve. I wanted the negatives in me and this is how my illness gotten worse. Laziness, submission to temptation, worthlessness, wanting easy way out were there  making me susceptible to their attacks. I received many counselling sections with my parents' earning income thinking that they might help me to cure my problem. However, I have come to my sense now that I will NEVER recover unless I have the will to do so.

Running away from reality seems to be the easiest road to take but the outcome won't be pleasing. Knowing that, I stubbornly did not want  to accept the truth and this is what has become of me....a failure and a worrier....If I'm not taking this time seriously for real, there wouldn't be any future no matter how much opportunities are there waiting for me..

I have taken things seriously but it isn't consistent. I wonder why and which part of me has already been loosen up....Gotta get a screw and tighten it.

THIS TIME I WILL GET SERIOUS AGAIN....I'm 20 now and I have wasted my golden time in the past two years. I'M NOT GOING TO BACK OFF now and I just want to clear myself from miseries. If I do happen to slip away by accident, please help me up so that I wouldn't go back to the wrong direction in life. I may be a bad influence to you now but I hope dearly that you will just be there to advise me whenever needed. I don't care if you wish to scold me as long as I realize what I have done to myself.

Above all things, let me make a serious commitment here that I am going to fight all that I have from now onward at this very second.....Now, the clock is ticking and here I am attempting to do what is right and justice in the eyes of the Lord and my family. In humble faith I pray, let me be strong and release me from evil.
Remember, Love and Compassion! These values are the ones that keeps us going and what I wrote before are useful as life lessons.

You too..u gotta work hard and be an inspiration for me to follow your lead as well. Not exactly everything but at  least we have several mutual life principles that we can follow.