My Genuine Gratitude to Family and Friends

It's been a pleasant yet tough day for me today....When I was in college this morning, I was still in the fierce battle with my thoughts. Worrisome thoughts were right there waiting eagerly to pounce on me any moment but at the same time, I felt a huge relief when I noticed that I was able to deal with it with good and positive mindset. It's been a while since I felt such relief as I've been trying hard to overcome my weaknesses.

 I've discovered a lot of great potentials and abilities to be uncovered and polished up when I was having my classes on Introduction to Healthcare. Though I couldn't grasp what my lecturer was teaching as my mind wandered off to the word printings of the handouts, I was at least aware of the topic we are focusing on back then. 

It's a blessing to have a college near my home where I can always walk to and from the college without having to concern about the availability of transportation. Aside from that, I can even help out my mum and dad with house chores on a daily basis. However, there were times when I thought if only I could return back to study medicine again. I feel that there is a lot more to it than me just studying diploma in Physiotherapy as I feel insecure regarding the job opportunities of a physiotherapy in store for me in the future.

But then, when I think again rationally...it was indeed a right decision not able to pursue my dream in medicine for I was not up to it at that time. I've fallen into depression twice and so, it was the only choice I have to ensure speedy recovery. Besides, I have come to understanding that a person well-being need not necessarily be depended on the high-paid careers but it is towards the fun and enjoyment we received from doing what we love.

Therefore, I am extremely grateful to my parents for they have never failed to shower me much parental love similar to the love that I felt from my heavenly Father. At times, when I committed several unforgivable mistakes, I'm at ease knowing  that God still loves me just as much as my parents do and never will he forsake me when I'm alone. My gratitude I would like to bid to my parents for they have always tolerated my crybaby personality and giving me a life of purposeful meaning whenever I'm down. 

To my uncle in England, I thank you for the financial backup you have provided me with. Because if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be near where I am now studying in a health-allied college for a try out. It has been a wonderful experience for me to be with friends and still able to study despite my condition. With all my heart, I promise that I will achieve my goals in life and appear as a successful person in the future.

Not forgetting my friends who's actually been there for me to listen and hang out with me whenever I felt sad. I appreciate the friendship we have developed together and never will I lose nor forget this relationship we share together. 

I still have several inner conflicts and fear to deal with but I must say that today has been comparatively better than yesterday or the day before yesterday. So, I hope it would be another pleasant one tomorrow and also the days to come for I eagerly want to celebrate with friends and relatives returning home for X'mas.

Distress in Miseries

There are times when I felt the loneliness in me eventhough people were around me....Probably, it is because I couldn't find someone who I can rely on and trust at that moment. So right here, right now...I want to cast away all my thoughts and worries onto this piece of the day.

First and foremost I'm extremely ashamed of myself today because I have been thinking of evil stuff....I mean EVIL.. I've been wondering to myself how do I ended up being ill while the others are managing their life pretty much the same....Why do I have the constant feeling of failure in me? What I want is to actually feel the joy of receiving this second chance of education. And you know what, I've been having this big ego in me about my cleverness in class because it seems to be I'm the only smart one there....And while I'm this arrogant, I feel the insecurity in me of failing and not performing well in coming exam. Well, I think it is because of the wrong decision I've made and the feeling of failure in committing to life seriously.

I wanted to help friend badly but at times when I'm offering my help, my mind would be thinking'' are you sure you want to continue helping people while I can't even manage myself?''. So, I ended up pausing myself for a while and then thinking again, helping probably is still the best thing to do at that moment.

I've caused enough pain to my family and rebelliously went against God's will more than I could count. I could have achieved more than I could possibly imagined if only I know what is right to do....But there are times that i couldn't do the right thing because of other factors contributing to it...I get extremely worried and I will think what would happen if I look at the world all in the negative perspective and what if there is very little chance of recovery to my normal self.

I hate it but let me tell you honestly, I was happy for malingering and being useless towards my family a few hours ago... Now, I felt extremely disgusted with the way I behaved that I don't think that this is who I am. Am I the person who actually offer advice and hopes to those who are in despair when I'm so stupid thinking of selfish demands and looking at the world so miserably.

HATE IT! HATE IT! HATE IT!!!

No worries....I have not damage my laptop's keypads yet while I was typing loudly and giving each key a big thump.  That's all...glad you are reading it while I'm this wretched but probably when I read it later, I will be wondering 'what the heck am I writing about myself'....    :(

My Roaming Thoughts

As tomorrow would be another first day of the week to have class, I buckled myself up to do some self revision for my first subject of this mini-sem''Introduction to Healthcare''. (Feels more like Introduction to Physiotherapy'' to me.....

Never would I know how difficult it is to do self-studying after one long year of rest. While I was reading through my notes, I find it hard to maintain my concentration and to read the words across smoothly. My mind tend to wander off and think of my life issues. However, it isn't like as if I hadn't read lines or sentences before but probably because this is the subject in which I needed to pay attention with. Honestly speaking, I am grateful enough that I manage to read through Unit 1&2 as well as reading external resources for additional references.

Now, it's already 10.25pm so I just want to gathered my thoughts into this small diary of mine. To be honest, I am worried whether I can make this through with my studies and my endless thoughts. Yesterday, I was for certain that I had nearly reached to the maximum potential stage of recovery but by the time the morning arrived, the problems were still swirling in my head unfiltered. 

I'm just glad that everything is ok for now eventhough things didn't turn out what I wanted. But if they did, I wouldn't be happy anyway. I am going to have Eng class tomorrow and I looked forward for my lecturer to give us assignments on language learning exercises. Who would have thought that I would be anticipating for homework to do? If my assignment workload were to increase next year, I would be in a lot of trouble dealing with the time schedules and studies organised.

Just to let you know, my class consists only of 4 students inclusive of me so it is indeed a very small group. But, wait till next year when there will be a big intake for students coming in for the first sem. By then, I would be entering my first sem as well.

Before I take my leave, I just want to apologize to u, Lord for my stubbornness and excessive worrying of my troubles. There are at times where I would be route less whether God exists or not....The same issue over and over again.----------------   :(

So now, let me come to a close that though today has been tough but at least it is coming to an end and the new beginning will be there waiting for me to encounter tomorrow.....

                         

May You Rest In Peace

This couple of weeks has been  a very pleasant journey with the birds being near our home. The family has blossomed as the mother gave birth to 2 new born birdies... Each time I took a look at them, I would be thrilled when the birdies popped out their head from the small hole of the nest asking for food.... The mother of course wasn't there with them as she searched for worms as the source of food for these two cutey pies....

However, there was just one day when the mother was gone in search of food that a black neighbouring stray cat passed by our garage. The cat was at once attracted to the sound of the baby birds chirping and so, without any hesitation, she quietly crept towards their nest and  BANG!! The damage cannot be undone as the coil surrounding the plant was bent and crashed followed by the nest being torn to pieces.

By the time my mother came to the rescue as she heard the sound from the living room, it was too late. One of the bird has actually been killed while the other survived. Left with only one survivor, my mum hurriedly scrammed the cat away with the water hose. I returned being shocked of the news but was glad that one tiny bird survived and so I made her a comfortable temporary nest for her.

Unfortunately, it didn't go well as I expected. I was at the kitchen anticipating for her mother to fetch her only survivor and because of my curiosity, I might have taken the life of a bird away by accident. I opened the door to the garage when the mother bird was surprised by my presence at which she might have dropped her one and only baby..... When I picked up the baby bird from the floor, it was to no avail that the bird was dead as it had sprained its back or the head receiving a thump onto the ground. 

I have no other choice, feeling disbelief of what had actually happened. But, my mum told me that it is best to bury them in the ground for the mother's sake.... As we were digging up a small hole of the ground to place the deceased, I was sad to see that the mother had to see their child being dead and buried on the very same day it happened. Left with nothing more we can do, my mum finally placed a cross where the baby birds were buried...If only I hadn't gone out there, then a life would have been spared.

Sometimes life is just like that, there are certain unexpected things that we can't predict in life and this is what the birds have taught me..... We might be enjoying today  but what comes next is really unpredictable and ambiguous. So, I pray that the birds will  rest in peace and I thanked them for the wonderful moments we had shared together.....

Overcomer, a Tedious Thing to do...

This has been my 3rd of college class, so everything so far has gotten smoothly except myself. The classes are just fine with the minimum of students for this intake though I wish the lecturers can be more of a quality one. From my perspective, I feel that the lecturers should have met the minimum standards as I feel unchallenged by the topics being taught. This isn't my ego but those who really study in life would understand how it feels.

One good thing for this mini sem is that I can have enough time to cope with my personal problems. I have many doubts to deal with especially when I'm not that confident about my performance. There are times when I couldn't let go of the habit of attaching myself with negative thoughts...Eg. I've been suffering all this while and to tell me to let go of it, I might as well stick to the cause of my suffering. I do not have the confidence that I can deal with myself and the situation around me. I would also questioned regarding God's existence and whether he is there by myself or not. But, now as I am writing this down, I realized I ought not to waste the time that God has given me instead of thinking of these unnecessary thoughts.

For every single thing that must be done, I will always have the resistance in me. I will  experience trouble in rationalizing myself because I just couldn't let go of the 'possibility of failing' thoughts in me.

I've experience so many unnecessary troubles because of my sensitivity towards failure and low self-esteem. It is difficult to control my feelings when there is certain period of uncertainty, worry, egoness and happiness. Probably the reason for my slow recovery is still due to my inability to maintain an emotional equilibrium within myself. So, I have lots of work to be done. May God continue to protect me and I hope he will forgive me for my sinful actions. Through my faults, thru my faults, I earnestly pray for his forgiveness and deliverance from the evil one.

Missing You Dearly

Dear The Wind Beneath My Wings,

It's been a while, I guess. I really do miss you here a lot. Knowing you have to deal with tight schedules and crazy exams, I can understand how little time you have to enjoy yourself. Honestly speaking , there are certain issues and stories that I really want to share with you because I know that you are a friend worth telling to. 

How's everything there? I hope you have a pleasant uni life experience with your friends and lectures. Hahaha....... I can probably guess your answer....most likely an 'ok' response. Actually, I feel is  a pity that I don't get to know more about the course Pharmacy you are taking. Probably if I knew, I would understand and know you a lot more. People change through life experiences and so does the two of  us. Just wanna tell you that though friends are far apart and all of us are walking separate ways, there will be a time when we meet again at a junction. 

Cracking jokes and laughter together sure make our life much more interesting than expected. But my actual intention for this post is generally to share with you the whole detail about my life right now but I feel that it is inappropriate to do so at the time being. So, I'll just be telling you that I am taking a step into Diploma in Physiotherapy at the college near my house. Thanks to my parents ' support, I'm doing the best I can at the moment. Unexpected of me, right? I'm even wearing the uniform similar to the attire wore by the nurses...

Will tell you more when you come back at the end of Nov... Till then, continue to show great support simply by just reading my blog. May God bless you with good health and strength to go through this pathway you've chosen. 

Great love from your dearest friend, 

ANGELICA ROMANTICA....     

Positive Perspective of Life

For these couples of days I'm away from my blog, I tend to sleep  a lot....But now, as I feel energize and revitalized, I wanna list down as much positive thoughts that are in my head so as to become a source of encouragement when I am down.
You may use and assimilate in your life for it gives me great courage that my words can be a source of comfort during your tough times.

• All things that happen in life with or without our concern actually plays an important role in shaping our personalities. When good things happen, we feel motivated to do our best while bad events that occur will teach us a valuable lessons behind the mistake and wrongdoings we have committed.
• Among all values, Love is the greatest of them all. My reason is that Love will sustain us to move forward and persevere even when the things we do seem difficult. It is through the feelings of 'Love' that we learn how to value knowledge, friendship, relationship, nature and challenges in life..
• When friends seem far away, it is through this process we learn how to differentiate true friends from juz buddies and treasure them more.
• Having to do most of the house chores or  being the eldest in the family train us how to be more independent, capable and responsible with the way we live. It is up to our decision that we direct the way we live and appreciate whatever there is to offer.
• Having our desires unfulfilled reminds us of how imperative resources such as  food; water and electric supply; nature; money; friendship; people and knowledge are in helping us experiencing our daily life.
• It is not about your wealthiness and excellence performance or how outstanding you are in society, but it is how you use your skills and potentials to improve the quality way of life.
• The greatest invention of all gadgets, equipment or reading resources is KNOWLEDGE. So, apply and use them for the joy and happiness we share together.
• I would prefer good health and struggles in life than having to gain fame, wealth and all selfish desires being granted.
• I would opt for what is best for my family and people surrounding me rather than accomplishing my own personal goals. For this, we will live a life worth living.

Continuation of Part 1: Photo of a Bird Nest

PART 2

It's been  two days since I told you I would upload the photos of the bird nest. And so I hope I'm not too late to post this up to let you have a look   ;)

Here is the place where this 'burung pipit' with a sharp beak  lives....

If you can see the brown nest with a large hole on the cherry blossom plant display, then, u go it. That's the one. Is a pity that I am unable to point with an arrow because I have yet to know how to use.....

But, if I zoom in further by larger magnification, then we can have a clearer view of how the bird nest is like....Hehe

Well, I'll see whether I an take a photo with the bird in it. However, it might take time because the bird always fly off quickly whenever I about to close the main door or even approaching the nest. Wait and see  for I will try my utmost best in taking the masterpiece of the photo.....