This has been my 3rd of college class, so everything so far has gotten smoothly except myself. The classes are just fine with the minimum of students for this intake though I wish the lecturers can be more of a quality one. From my perspective, I feel that the lecturers should have met the minimum standards as I feel unchallenged by the topics being taught. This isn't my ego but those who really study in life would understand how it feels.
One good thing for this mini sem is that I can have enough time to cope with my personal problems. I have many doubts to deal with especially when I'm not that confident about my performance. There are times when I couldn't let go of the habit of attaching myself with negative thoughts...Eg. I've been suffering all this while and to tell me to let go of it, I might as well stick to the cause of my suffering. I do not have the confidence that I can deal with myself and the situation around me. I would also questioned regarding God's existence and whether he is there by myself or not. But, now as I am writing this down, I realized I ought not to waste the time that God has given me instead of thinking of these unnecessary thoughts.
For every single thing that must be done, I will always have the resistance in me. I will experience trouble in rationalizing myself because I just couldn't let go of the 'possibility of failing' thoughts in me.
I've experience so many unnecessary troubles because of my sensitivity towards failure and low self-esteem. It is difficult to control my feelings when there is certain period of uncertainty, worry, egoness and happiness. Probably the reason for my slow recovery is still due to my inability to maintain an emotional equilibrium within myself. So, I have lots of work to be done. May God continue to protect me and I hope he will forgive me for my sinful actions. Through my faults, thru my faults, I earnestly pray for his forgiveness and deliverance from the evil one.
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